Star trails

What the story was behind this little scenario I have no idea - certainly the real Beyoncé was hardly likely to be turning up at the domestic terminal looking out for her pre-booked Auckland Co-op Taxi. It's been a minor disappointment to me in my higher-end travels that not only have I not rubbed elbows with any celebrities, but neither have I even got any goss about them from their previous stays.

That's the trouble with these fancy resorts: they're so damned discreet. All they'll admit to is having "various royalty of different nationalities, politicians, some people from show business" and that's it. Highly unsatisfying for those of us looking for a spicy bit of tittle-tattle to enliven a story, or even the certain knowledge that some Oscar-winner slept in my bed (though, on reflection, that could be a bit creepy - depending, of course, on which Oscar-winner it might have been. Colin Firth, yes; Jack Nicholson, no.)

Lots of these people come to New Zealand, for its scenery of course, and activities, and wine and food, but also because they don't get hassled here even when they're out and about; and especially when they're tucked away at places like Blanket Bay and Treetops. I've stayed at both those places, sadly not at the same time as anyone noticeably notable, and they're models of understatement. It's kind of funny that movie stars will come all this way to be treated as though they're ordinary people, but evidently they do - although of course any whim will be pandered to. Of the two, Blanket Bay would probably have the edge, simply because of its fabulous setting beside Lake Wakatipu; though Treetops is tucked away into its own private valley with bush, river and waterfall, and exotic places like Rotorua and White Island are just a helicopter hop away.

If you were offered either, don't demur. I won't, if Huka Lodge or Wharekauhau come calling.