Moooo - or possibly baaaa. Same difference.

I'm beginning to loathe Melbourne airport. I've been through here six times in the last few months and every time there have been long, long queues for everything. (Nothing, by the way, fosters xenophobia like having the 'Australian/NZ passports only' queue invaded by hordes of jet-lagged, befuddled people from China and Indonesia.)

Immigration, baggage claim, customs - shuffle, shuffle, yawn. And the same the other way: check-in, security, passport control, with the added spice of passenger anxiety and staff indifference. The airlines fuss over their onboard experience down to the tiniest detail - if only the airport authorities would try to do the same.

In the meantime, there's plenty of opportunity to wish yet again that I had invented - no, patented - this ubiquitous barrier system. I'd be able to afford my own plane then and bypass the whole tedious business.